These last few days have taught me quite a bit about the way I perceive others' eyes on me. When half your face is swollen to double its size and you have a huge swollen black eye, you expect people to stare, to do a double take. At first I was really self-conscious. Usually I am as plain and unnoticeable as they come, average height, average weight, average hair, average clothes. And then I became a tiny bit more noticeable. I doubt that I had ever felt as self-conscious as during the first two days.
This is what my eye looked like on the third day, without any swelling.
On Sunday something clicked in my head. Or maybe it was the fact that Finns are good at not doing double takes, or they've seen much worse. Instead of feeling like I had to deal with it, it became about others having to deal with it. Does that make sense? Before I was trying to become smaller and go unnoticed with the bruises, now I don't even bother with sunglasses or anything and figure that if someone gets bothered by them then they just have deal with their questions of "what the hell happened".
This entry was so deep and thoughtful in my head but typed out it just sounds silly... end of story is that I feel like I've greatly grown over the last few days, I would even say evolved mentally to a whole new level.
I discovered the zombifying effect of the incandescent filter by mistake. Still pretty awesome shots, imo.
|
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cerealjoe
